Farr Magazine’s annual predictions once again shake up the grocery store checkout lanes with zany, what-if headlines for 2012.

Farr Magazine’s annual predictions once again shake up the grocery store checkout lanes with zany, what-if headlines for 2012.

“‘Car-Dashians’ is TV Gold.” In an attempt to jump on the reality TV craze that made stars of the un-famous, TBS debuts “The Car-Dashians” to record ratings. About 300 million Americans tune in to watch Kris Humphries, Reggie Bush and other Kardashian throwaways race across the country in cars sponsored by E. Dashcams will capture their every move. Winner gets a date with Paris Hilton.

“Little monster utters, ‘Ga-ga.’” Lady Gaga gives birth. Baby Gaga will quickly become the new face of Gerber, while its every move is caught on camera by the paparazzi, including its first word.

“Cowell Scores With Bieber.” Simon Cowell scores another major TV hit show when “Leave It To Bieber” debuts in the fall. Music’s greatest songs get revisited when America votes which great song Bieber gets to butcher next. The phenomenon is cut short  when Paul McCartney pulls the plug on the Lennon/McCartney songbook. When Bieber blasts McCartney on live TV, the legend simply replies back, “Hey,  dude ... don’t be mad. You can’t take my sad songs and make them better.”

“Perry makes it 10.” Singer Katy Perry scores her 10th No. 1 single from “Teenage Dream” as “Not Like The Movies” tops Billboard’s Hot 100, following a primetime interview with Oprah Winfrey about the singer and her divorce from Russell Brand. Perry’s life has been portrayed through the song titles on her album prompting her label to ready the 11th single “Peacock.”  

“BTO crashes conventions.” After failing in her native Iowa, Michele Bachmann vows, “You ain’t seen nothing yet!” Bachman-Turner Overdrive hooks up with former TV cable guru Ted Turner to overdrive the GOP?convention. Bachman-Turner Overdrive causes a major caucus blowout, forcing other fellow teabaggers to take care of their own business, so to speak. BTO sees its hits catalog sales soar, and resurfaces at the DNC as a remix of ‘70s hit “Blue Collar” becomes the campaign theme song for President Barack Obama and his jobs initiative.

“Paul straddles fence, falls.” After securing the Republic nomination from Mitt Romney, Ron Paul falls to temptation of independents. To appease his backers, Paul coins a new term “Republicrat,” which nobody can decipher. He later crumbles trying to explain the meaning of the term after Fox News’ Geraldo Rivera asks during the debate why he has two first names. An excited Obama says during rebuttal, “Sir, you’re no Elton John!”

David T. Farr is a Sturgis (Mich.) Journal correspondent. Email him at farrboy@hotmail.com. You can also find The Farr Side on Facebook.