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Nebraska City News-Press - Nebraska City, NE
  • Lost in Suburbia: I’m dreaming of a white Labor Day

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  • By Tracy Beckerman
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    For most people, the arrival of Labor Day means dealing with back-to-school issues and end-of-summer matters. But for me there is a burning question of much greater importance:
    Can I or can I not wear white after Labor Day?
    I know, I’m a deep thinker.
    I used to think that this rule was non-negotiable, like no pajamas in public, no socks with sandals and no bikini bottoms on men. (Truth be told, I have violated the first two but vehemently support the third). And while I have toed the no white-wearing line, I always thought this was kind of a random edict. I mean, why Labor Day? Why not stop wearing white after Halloween? Or Thanksgiving? We always wish for a white Christmas, so wouldn’t it make more sense to stop wearing white on Dec. 26 instead?
    The No White After Labor Day police were always so emphatic in their stance that I even worried about walking around with a white dog after Labor Day. Naturally he can’t help what color he comes in, so I assume he’s excused. But what about all the brides that get married after Labor Day? How come they’re given a pass on the white rule? If we’re being fair, they should really be forced to wear a gown that’s pink or blue, or some other color that simply isn’t white. Of course I don’t want to be the one to tell them. Brides scare me more than the No White After Labor Day police.
    Meanwhile, I wonder who came up with this concept in the first place. I suspect it is the same person who came up with other random rules like the toilet paper has to hang over the top, toothpaste should be squeezed from the bottom and Pittsburgh should have an “h” at the end.
    What’s really not fair though, is that just as I was beginning to accept the No White After Labor Day rule, someone went and changed it. Now it seems, Summer White, apparently, is still a no-no after Labor Day, but Winter White is OK. For someone like me who sees no discernible difference between Summer White and Winter White, this is even more troublesome than the original rule. What happens if I mix them up and wear Summer White after Labor Day? Will I be twice cited for wearing white after Labor Day and also for not knowing the difference between Summer White and Winter White? If that happened, and I was walking a white dog to boot, I might actually end up on fashion probation with little hope of ever being allowed to shop at White House Black Market again.
    Personally, I look terrible in white and own very little white clothing, Summer White or Winter White, so it’s unlikely that things will get this out of hand. But on the off chance that I might slip and go out in a white T-shirt or white socks after Labor Day, I think I should have a little insurance.
    Page 2 of 2 - So I’m getting a black dog.
    Follow Tracy on Twitter at @TracyinSuburbia.

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