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You’ve Been Blocked!
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By lostinsuburbiablog
July 19, 2013 12:01 a.m.

crying wont help you

I’ve been blocked on Facebook… again.

When I say, again, I don’t mean to make it sound like it’s something that happens all the time. As far as I know it’s only been two times. But even two times is a lot when you’re used to getting along with everyone and, to your knowledge, have never been accused of something awful like being a stalker, an identity thief, or a mime.

The first time I was blocked I took it in stride because it was someone I already had a strained relationship with.

4 years later, I’m almost over it.

But the latest person who blocked me was someone I’d just met. She was someone I spoke with at length at a conference, discussed a job opportunity, and mutually agreed to connect with after the conference. Following the conference, I friended her on Facebook. Then, about two weeks later I realized I’d never gotten a friend acceptance and checked back only to discover she was no longer on Facebook. But the way Facebook works is, when someone blocks you, they appear to no longer be on Facebook. So when someone disappears from Facebook, you can’t be sure if it’s because they closed their account or they blocked you. The only way to know for sure is to look for them from someone else’s account.

Having been on the receiving end of a FB blocking before, I was wise to the ways of being blocked, so I looked for her from someone else’s account, and, voila: there was the person I had tried to friend.

And then I knew I’d been tossed aside like a sack of potatoes blocked.

delmote ketchupOnce you are a two-time blockee, you don’t get nearly as upset as you might have the first time. You’re kind of like, “What the heck?” and, “OMG, she BLOCKED me?” and, “Wow. What did I say?” followed by, “What a b****!!” Then you replay the whole conversation you had with her through your head to see if there was any point where you came across as someone with obsessive tendencies, multiple personalities, an arrest record, a restraining order, ties to the Kardashians, persistent chronic halitosis, or the possibility that you slept with her husband.

Except for the arrest record (which was only a misdemeanor and I swear, I was out of the country when it happened) none of the other things were even remotely possible. So I was really at a loss as to why she’d blocked me. I realized that being blocked by a friend (or potential friend) on Facebook is kind of like having a boyfriend suddenly stop returning your calls. You know it’s over but you’re not sure why and you’re just left wondering what you did to be so coldly dumped. Personally, I’d prefer to get an automated notification from Facebook that says: So-and-So blocked you because you:

? Post too many cloyingly cute pictures of your kids

? Ditto your dog

? Brag too much about the miles you ran/laps you swam/triathalon you

competed in

? Ditto your vacation

? Repeatedly invite them to play annoying Facebook games

? Repeatedly ask them to vote for you for some inane contest

? Creepily comment on every status update they make

? Other

Since I was still friends with her husband on Facebook (who, I repeat, I have not slept with), I thought about messaging him and asking him why on earth his wife had blocked me. But then I figured it would be awkward for him to be in the middle of a UFB (Unwarranted Facebook Blocking) and might cause UMS (Undue Marital Stress) as well as the possibility that he also would commit a UFB on me and then I would be three time Facebook blockee, which would certainly be a blight on my otherwise pristine social media reputation. Being blocked twice could be considered an aberration. Three times and people start to think you’re a stalker.

In an attempt to be a grown up and not obsess about it, and not pursue it, and realize it was probably her problem, not mine, I decided to let it go and move on with my life.

… Right after I block her back.

©2013, Beckerman. All rights reserved.

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